I’ll Find Myself Tomorrow

Today my nails are chipped and in need of a manicure. But the laundry is piling up, the printer needs a new set of ink cartridges and the Twincesses are eager for me to read their new book to them. For the millionth time.

Today I need to get on the treadmill and finally do something about the pregnancy weight I can’t shake. But one twin needs to see a doctor because her snotty nose won’t quit, the plumber is coming by to fix the upstairs toilet, and we’re out of coffee. Again.

Today my hair needs a wash. But the babies are teething, I have an important work deadline to meet, and the groceries must be bought.

Today my eyebrows need a serious waxing. But dinner needs cooking, my manager wants a 1-on-1 meeting and the kids have a vaccine appointment.

Today I need to schedule date night for the sake of our marriage. But the one twin has an ear infection, I need to call our service provider about the sketchy WIFI coverage, and that darn toilet is leaking again!

Today I need to see a doctor about that nagging pain in my right arm. But the cat is AWOL, I need to research some healthy toddler snack ideas and I need to visit some schools in the area to get them on a waiting list.

Today I need to eat something more substantial than Cheetos. But the ironing heap is officially a mountain, I have a 2 hour conference call for work and Twincesses want to play another round of ‘Ring around the Rosie’

Today I really need to get some sleep. But yesterday’s dishes are still in the sink, the Twincesses hate their dinner and the cat just gifted me a dead rat.

Today I should really find myself, the old Me. The ‘me’ that existed long before I was ‘mom’. The Me that had leisurely showers with the luxury of slathering on body lotion afterwards. The Me that ate colourful salads for lunch and attended Yoga classes. The Me that got pedicures and massages and slept 8 hours a night.

Today, I’d like to find my old myself, in the midst of the nursery rhymes, the cooking, the appointments and the cleaning. I know she’s in there somewhere…

Today I need to find myself, yet I will have no choice but to give myself away.

You see, I know it will not last forever. One day, sooner than I’d like to think, the sloppy kisses will cease, and the arms that search frantically for ‘mommy’ in the wee hours of the morning will learn to sleep through the night.

The little songs and silly dances we call our own will give way to trips to the mall, and concerts I’ll have no part in.

The baby giggles and clumsy cuddles will evolve into secret jokes with their new BFFs.

And when that time comes, I’ll have the endless hours I wished for. My nails will be perfect, my hair will be clean and cut into the latest style. I’ll cook fancy dinners and get promoted at work.

So today, in the throes of the most mundane, menial tasks… I’ll give myself away. I can find myself tomorrow.

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